Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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