...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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