I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize