There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
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I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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