you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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