He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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