I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize