I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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