hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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