I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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