She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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