Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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