i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize