So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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