After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize