Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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