This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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