Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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