why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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