you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize