____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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