Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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