didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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