thus making me awesome and them whores
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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