that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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