I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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