why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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