Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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