the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize