My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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