so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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