forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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