some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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