Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize