They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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