Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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