Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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