maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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