So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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