I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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