when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize