Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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