about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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