She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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