do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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