Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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