I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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