Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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