I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
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I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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