just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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